The Change is Now

In a joint online conference, my friend Katharina said today: “I don’t want it to be the same as it was before Corona. But I don’t want it the way it is now either. And I still have no idea how it could be otherwise. “

Katharina speaks to me not only from the soul but also touches me deeply. The old world no longer exists. The new one is not yet in sight. Instead, one lockdown follows the next. The current situation does not look like a change but rather reminds me of the American film Groundhog Day (Groundhog Day), in which Phil Connors (played by Bill Murray) is stuck in a time warp and is forced to do the same crap everyday experience. But at some point in the course of the film, Phil also experiences a change that makes him wake up in his new life.

To turn back and forth is to change

We may not fare like Phil Connors in his time warp, but we too feel trapped in something that makes most of us uncomfortable, if not afraid. There is a simple word for what is now: change. Its etymological roots go back to the Old High German wantalōn, which means something like to turn back and forth, to change. And that probably also applies to our time. Hardly anyone can continue their life exactly as they did until the end of 2019. Each of us is affected by this change in different ways.

This time, our time, reminds me again and again of 1989. As a child of the GDR, at the age of 13, first through the fall of the wall and finally the dissolution of the state, I experienced a change that couldn’t be more profound for someone. A change was officially decreed on November 9, 1989, to the lived realities, which for almost 16 million people consisted of laws, rules, norms, habits, beliefs, etc., and (yes, definitely) gave orientation.

Fear accompanies us

What remains for me is the very vivid memory of the feeling that this change brought with it. Fear. To be more precise, it was fear of loss. And this fear showed itself in many colors. At a loss as to whether the West is now less dangerous than the authorities told us before. Disorientation as to whether I still had to go to civics class or could just stay away. Hope that there were only people over there in the West. Existential worries because my parents were suddenly confronted with unemployment and none of us, our friends, neighbors, or acquaintances had ever had such an experience and consequently did not know what that meant emotionally and financially. Frustration because all welfare state functions such as employment office, health insurance, pension insurance, and the necessary consultations and services were not yet running smoothly and everything took a lot of time to process. My mother shed many tears because she didn’t know whether the savings would be enough until the guaranteed financial aid finally started. And yet we were not alone and were all in the boat of collective change. When I look at our time today, I see many parallels to my experiences from back then. Even today I am stuck in a collective change that gets under my skin and the people around me.

Change means course correction

What makes change so stressful is not the change itself, but that we try for a long time to work internally against it. We don’t want to admit that life tells us to change course. We are looking for facts to show that this change is wrong. We ask experts who are familiar with change, how you can best get through, what you should do to make it controllable, and above all: whether the whole change package can also be available in a time-lapse – of course without major ones emotional side effects if possible. The best thing, we hope for a long time, is that everything should be over very quickly and stay the way it is. Well, maybe a little nicer. And if that doesn’t help, it’s the fault of the others who didn’t really think along or participate.

But that’s not how it works with change. Change does not exist in an abbreviation and change is always our own thing – whether we are collectively affected by it or not. And change cannot be imagined, but must also be emotional and be allowed to take place. Nobody likes to deal with fear, anger, frustration, or resignation – and yet all of this (as well as hope, joy, and excitement) is part of the change.

Change connects yesterday and tomorrow. It is a time when anything can be possible. For this, however, we need different skills than are required in a performance society. It is not degrees or educational levels that count, but the ability to self-reflect and deal with emotions. For this, we need retreat and alone time, space to breathe, and to reconnect with ourselves. For how else should the inner compass be activated, which shows us the way to our tomorrow? Change is never met through actionism or sophisticated plans alone, but always with contemplation. Or to put it another way: by using our time to find our individual truth and thus our core.

It is not characteristic of change to have a solution right away. Change is primarily about dealing with questions and not looking for answers immediately. Because often we could not even live the answer (if you have any doubts here, please refer to Rilke). It’s about trying out, approaching, revoking, rethinking, and simulating changes. This is how we find out what or who we are and how we want to express this through which habits.

Change means finding a new identity

From a safe distance that sounds abstract, of course. In the process itself, it is like the chance of re-puberty, which helps us on our way to identity. The truth that we discover there may have a disturbing effect on ourselves and those around us. Because when we start to change, our environment usually notices it even before we do it ourselves. However, this time with ourselves is exactly what strengthens our inner powers. This can show in self-confidence, sudden clarity, new habits, or a certainty beyond the explainable.

And now I hear the inner voices of the readers: inside screaming “It’s easy for you to talk! You don’t understand! ” Yes, I understand very well. I also have a family life with two kids that my husband and I have to maneuver through emergency care and the like. I also have customers who expect my presence. I too have obligations that I want to fulfill. And I am also concerned with the question of who I want to be and how I want to get involved in this world. But: I made this one decision to shape my change as it suits me and not as it is suitable for others. In the end, I’m very similar to Phil Connors, who ultimately realized that the key to his Groundhog Days time warp is himself.